My bad mothering actually led to this post. Last night, as we were coming home from somewhere, my oldest daughter said, “Mom, my hair feels so smooth.”I said, “That is what happens when you brush it every day.”
She then said, “Sometimes when I have knots in my hair it feels like I have a cushion to lay my head on, but with smooth hair it doesn’t feel that way.”
I had to laugh. She is ten and would rather have her knotted cushion at times than the pain of a good hair brushing, and there are days I would rather her have knots than have to endure the whining and crying that go along with detangling her beautiful, brown hair. I honestly do not like inflicting pain on my children on a daily basis, but without the daily pain, the knots that build up get larger and harder to deal with, leading to a much greater and deeper pain later on down the road.
After the conversation in the car with my daughter, I began thinking about her hair and the knots. It is hard to be consistent in parenting, sometimes it feels easier, more merciful to let something go…to let some behavior go unaddressed, so I don’t have to hear the complaining or deal with the crying that can go along with discipline. I have found out though that avoiding misbehavior, okay let’s just call it what it is, sin, leads to even greater and deeper pain in the long run.
If I let my kids speak to me in a disrespectful manner one time, they will continue that behavior (sin/bad-habits are much easier to make than good ones are) until I stop them. It will be a much greater struggle to stop them six times later, than had I done it the first time around. Plus, allowing their disrespect unchecked always causes a counter disrespect in me. I end up responding to my kids in sarcasm at times, which is sin, and a tit for tat relationship begins instead of the much more mature and healthy parent-child relationship that should exist between me and my children.
Too often our "knots" get bigger, and become comfortable cushions. We don’t want to deal with the pain it will take to brush them out, so we deal with the sin longer than we should. It is only when our appearance becomes a concern that we tend to try to work though our knots in order to make ourselves presentable.
It is at the point when the neighbors down the street can hear me arguing back and forth with my kids out our open windows, I realize that I better become the parent instead of the adolescent kid trading barbs with my 12 year old. Why isn’t it enough to know that I should behave as the parent all the time? More importantly, why am I not motivated by a desire to reveal Christ to my kids? Sometimes I frustrates myself to no end.
We sure complain a lot about peer pressure, but we must need it because it is defiantly a tool that God has set up to bring about change in our lives. It gives us that audience we need to impress, and it helps us brush out the knots we have allowed to become our comfortable cushions in life.
The next time you are feeling like you just don’t want to brush the knots out, remember that the more they build up the bigger they get, and the more painful they are to brush out down the road. Consistent care of our kid's hearts, as well as our own, may not be easy, but brushing out the knots in our attitudes will smooth out all of our lives.
Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1b-2
