How to Save a Life

I praise my God that in Christ there is forgiveness, restoration, and healing for not just our souls, but our relationships as well. If that were not the case, no relationship would ever last.

Related to this need for healing in friendship is a song by The Fray called How to Save a Life. I listen to it when I am struggling with someone in my life, and it reminds me of my own faults and the need to listen instead of trying to prove that I am right. Too often I believe that I am right, that I have the corner on the truth in any given situation, and don't take the time to see things from the other persons perspective.

And it is in that rightness the we most often hurt relationship, because pride dictates rightness not love. Love is actually absent when pride takes the lead. If we are concerned about the direction a friend is headed, about a choice they are making or have made, it is in humility that we need to approach them. But when we feel we are "right" we come to them in judgement, and we aren't going to "save" anyone that way.

The Fray song says, "As he goes left and you stay right...you begin to wonder why you came." And within these words conflict resides, and friend are turned into enemies. Instead of the path of rejection, in genuine friendship there needs to be less of a pull to the "right" and a bit more left leading, if that left means more listening, and less condemning.

The song, How to Save a Life, came from an experience the lead singer heard about while working at a youth counseling camp. "Slade [lead singer of band] claims that the song is about all of the people that tried to reach out to the boy [at the camp he was working at] but were unsuccessful. As Slade says in an interview, the boy's friends and family approached him by saying, "Quit [the problem behavior] or I won't talk to you again," but all he needed was some support. The verses of the song describe an attempt by an adult to confront a troubled teen. In the chorus, the singer laments that he himself was unable to save a friend because he did not know how." (Wikipedia)

Lyrics: How to Save a Life

Step one you say we need to talk, He walks, you say sit down it's just
a talk. He smiles politely back at you, you stare politely right on through.
some sort of window to your right. As he goes left and you stay right. Between
the lines of fear and blame you begin to wonder why you came.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness
and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.

Let him know that you know best cause after all you do know best. Try
to slip past his defense without granting innocence. Lay down a list of what is
wrong the things you've told him all along, and pray to God he hears you and
pray to God he hears you.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness
and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a
life.

As he begins to raise his voice, you lower yours and grant him one last
choice. Drive until you lose the road or break with the ones you've followed. He
will do one of two things he will admit to everything or he'll say he's just not
the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend, somewhere along in the
bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save
a life.

Powerful visual of how we often interact with those we love, with those we deeply care for. We draw a line in the sand, and tell them it is our way or the high way. It is in bitterness instead of sincere compassion that we wrestle with one another, but I find great peace in knowing that my song ends much differently than that of The Fray.

I, like them, understand that I don't have the ability to save a life, nor a relationship. I am utterly helpless in this. Where I differ from their conclusion is in the fact that I know who does. Jesus knows How to Save a Life. He is the only one who does. Jesus does not come to us in rightness, nor judgement, nor condemnation nor in pride but instead He says:

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in
heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden
is light. Matt. 11:29-30

We too need to be gentle and humble in heart. If we are, then we will reveal to others Christ and in that we will be able to show them the only One who can save a life.