Lesson 3

Thirsty Soul

Each one of us has a thirst that we are trying to satisfy with something. Often times we attempt to meet that need with food, alcohol, the internet, relationships, and work, but none of these things ever quenches it. The woman at the well tried to meet the thirst in her heart with men, and then one man came along and radically changed her world. She found out that only He could satisfy her parched soul. She discovered that Jesus is the Living Water.

As she walked to the well, her heart hurt. She had to get water at noon, so that the other women in the village would not be there. However, she did not want to have to go when all the other women were gone. She was lonely. She was thirsty for friendship, for someone to reach out to her and accept her. How long had it been since she felt accepted? Had she ever really known what acceptance felt like? Would she ever know what it meant to be loved?

When she got closer to the well, she saw someone sitting on its edge. She breathed a sigh of relief. Well, at least it was a man. They were not as catty or as cold as women were, and she knew how to please them. She slowed down her step, hoping he would go away when he saw her coming, but He did not. She noticed that He was not from Samaria. He was a Jew. Why was He here in Sychar, a city in Samaria?

These might have been the thoughts of the Samaritan woman as she walked toward Jesus one afternoon. After meeting Him, she would finally know what it meant to be accepted and to be loved.

Around

John 4 begins by explaining that Jesus was drawing large numbers of followers, people baptized by His disciples, not just curious onlookers. The Pharisees were starting to get nervous. At first, they thought John the Baptist was going to be the one to challenge their authority, but it was becoming clearer to them that Jesus was actually the rising star.

The Jewish leaders decided to send someone over to try to stir up things between John the Baptist and Jesus. John’s disciples were agitated and they came to John along with a “certain” Jew. They asked John, “What’s up with this guy Jesus. Aren't you bothered that He is baptizing more people than you are?” (See John 3:22-36)

I picture John the Baptist as a hippie type, surfer dude. He might have responded to the leader like this, "No worries dudes. I am down with Jesus. He is righteous. I’m not here to get dudes to follow me. Jesus is going to become epic and I'm canned. That's gnarly. I came to make the way glassy for Him and then I'm out." In other words, “He must increase and I must decrease” (John 3:30).

John’s reply was simple and clearly revealed his deep faith. The Pharisees effort to cause conflict between John and Jesus failed. That said, when Jesus learned about the attention He was drawing among the religious leaders, He decided to go up to Galilee for a while. He left Judea and headed north, toward Samaria.

Most Jews traveled around Samaria. They believed that by going through the Samaritan region they would become unclean. Jews saw Samaritans as half-breeds, not worthy of God's love. The Samaritans had once been part of Israel, but after the Assyrian invasion of the Northern Kingdom of Israel in 722 B.C., they were forced to intermarry with Assyrians, thereby losing their position as Jews.

The gospel writer says that Jesus had to go through Samaria to get to Galilee. Now He did not have to go physically around Samaria. Religious Jews went east, across the Jordan, then north until they passed the Samaritan region, and finally went back west, across the Jordan, to enter Galilee. Jesus chose to go right through Samaria to get to His destination. Jesus did not live by the same standards as the religious. He did not have the same prejudices that the Jewish leaders of the day held. He was concerned about people, and about carrying out the Father’s will. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His One and Only Son that whoever believed in Him should not perish, but have eternal life” (John. 3:16).

Jesus did not go around Samaria. He knew that the shortest way between two points is a straight line. He also knew that if He went around, He would miss something He needed to do. He would miss the Father’s will.

Thirsty

Jesus arrived in Sychar, a city in Samaria, around lunchtime. He was thirsty and hungry after His six-hour journey. He took a seat by the town well. His throat was parched and covered in dust. He determined to ask a woman carrying a jug for a drink of water. Read the interaction that took place:

When a Samaritan Woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give Me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

The Samaritan woman said to Him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) (John 4:7-9)

Jesus was not concerned with whom she was, what He was concerned about was the state of her heart. He told her, “If you knew the gift of God and who is saying this to you, ‘Give Me a drink’ you would ask Him and He would give you living water" (Jh 4:13-14).

The woman did not know what to do with Jesus. I can picture her standing there looking at Him wondering if He was all there.

Imagine some guy coming up to you at the gas station, wearing an Armani suit and driving a BMW, asking you to fill up his gas can. You might look at what He is wearing and driving and think to yourself, “Why is He asking me to fill up His gas can?”

He realizes what you are thinking and offers you gas for life. You look at Him like He is crazy and He proceeds to promise you that if you listen to Him he can make sure you are filled up for good, and all the time you are wondering how a guy who cannot pay for his own gas, can promise to give you fuel for the rest of your life.

That might have been what the woman at the well was thinking. What kind of water can this man have, if He does not even have a bucket to draw water out of the well right in front of Him.
She said, "Sir, you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?” (John 4:11).

She knew that there was something different about Jesus. He had something she wanted, but she could not put her finger on it.

Jesus said, "Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again, but whoever drinks from the water I give him will never get thirsty. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13-14).

Jesus finally had her full attention. She was thirsty, thirstier than she even knew. The woman finally realized what she was thirsting for all those years. She said, "Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water” (John 4:15).

Go

Look closely at Jesus’ response. He does not give her three easy steps to salvation. Instead, He told her to admit to her own state of need. He instructed her to do something that would reveal the state of her heart, and her willingness to receive the gift He was offering her. Jesus said, “Go call your husband and come back” (16).

The Samaritan woman could have answered Jesus in several ways. She could have reacted in anger, telling Jesus to mind His own business. She could have lied about the men in her life. She could have even taken the cynical route and asked which one, but she chose to be honest with Jesus. She replied, "I have no husband” (17).

Jesus was impressed by her openness, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband” (18).

This was the reason that the woman was coming to the well by herself, in the middle of the day. She was a woman of loose morals, one any "God fearing" woman would shun.

Jesus saw her differently. He did not come to call the righteous, but sinners (Matt. 9:13). Thankfully, that is still true today. The following is the story of a modern day woman at the well:

I can say that I accepted Christ in 1982 at the tender age of 19, but I only believed in Him with my mind. I began attending church and a Bible study with my sister and some friends, but I had to move away from the area shortly after being saved. That's when my trouble began.

I settled into my different life in a new city and at the age of 20, I met and married a man who essentially did not believe in God. I fell into the same way of thinking. I was very lonely in my marriage, trying to get a college education and make lots of money. I had an emptiness inside that nothing would fill; not my husband, money, or my career. My husband and I were both proud, selfish, and demanding people, and eventually our marriage ended after seven years.

I fell into a very demoralized way of living during the year following my divorce. I began to go out and party with friends, I neglected my responsibilities at home as well as taking care of my dog. My language was foul. I slept with several men thinking that would ease the pain and emptiness I felt inside. It didn't. Working too much didn’t help either. Looking back, my life felt like it was as filthy as a toilet.

Following that year, I was working as an MRI/Nuclear medicine technologist, and I met my current husband. We married in 1993, and moved to Seattle, WA in February 1997, so that my husband could take a job promotion. We had two small children. Jesus literally began this time to pound on the door of my heart.

In Seattle, I began working weekends as an MRI technologist in one of the local hospitals. I was often very stressed and tired at those times because of the workload, but I truly enjoyed my job, my coworkers, the doctors, and patients. It was there that Jesus paid me a visit.

I remember the day clearly. On Saturday, December 7, 1998, I was scanning a patient for back pain, and as I looked at her, I could tell she was ill in other ways. The whites of her eyes were yellow and her color wasn't good at all. I felt she had hepatitis at the very least. I began to scan her for her back pain. At a point during her exam, the scan protocol called for an injection of a contrast agent into a vein in her arm. I came into the scan room to give her the injection. I was in a great hurry as I injected her. Just as I pulled the needle out of her arm, I stuck myself with her contaminated needle in my left palm, just below the left index finger.

I had been a technologist for 15 years and I had never stuck myself with any one's needle before but that is exactly what had just happened! I was so scared and bewildered and, not wanting to add to this patient's considerable level of pain, I did not tell her what had just happened. I finished her exam and she went home without knowing what had occurred.

I tried to carry on the rest of the day, thinking that I was a healthy person and that nothing could happen to me because of the needle stick. I went into the bathroom about two hours later, and as I looked into the mirror, I heard my heart's voice saying to me, "You are going to die and leave your kids without a mother." My future somehow flashed before my eyes and I knew that what this voice was saying was true. Right there, beside a toilet, I fell to my knees and begged God, "God, if You can make this situation alright, if You can heal this woman, then I won't be sick either! Please heal her and me! I know who You are and I know You can do this. I believe in You! I'll be Yours!"

I got up from beside the toilet and immediately called my unit manager and the patient, telling them what had happened. A flurry of activity ensued. I went to the ER for therapy, the patient came back, and had her blood drawn for lab work. Things were crazy in the ER but so many miracles happened that evening that it would take too much time to recount them all. One thing's for sure, I saw God mightily working right away for my good.

The next day, which was Sunday, I returned to my regular work shift, not knowing what the patient's lab results would show. I went to the computer terminal to check her blood results. Well, God worked two miracles, because first the patient did not have one thing wrong with her blood! In fact, her blood work was better than mine was! Secondly, God cured her, and through her being cured, I was never infected with anything. She was completely free of any problems yet I saw her with my own eyes and knew she was sick!

Well, I really heard Jesus calling me because I had just turned my life over to him the prior day in a radiology bathroom next to a toilet. I had faced my own future and found it lacked eternity! It lacked Jesus Christ!

Now, looking back over that time, I cannot thank Jesus enough for all He has done for me, even when I didn't care at all about Him. He showed me my horrible spiritual condition that day, being filthy like that toilet was. But He flushed away that toilet full of all my sin and now, I am free to live as Jesus' friend and disciple. I am deeply grateful to Him for all He has done and is doing in this world. Most of all, I am so very thankful for His presence in my life. I am no longer alone and Jesus gives me the ability to live powerfully for Him. He is with me always!

As for me, I am redeemed of the Lord and I will say so!

"For God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Jesus took the woman at the well to the same place he took the woman in this story. He showed them, their “horrible spiritual condition,” revealing their thirst for Him.

The Lord exposed the Samaritan woman’s need. He did this by going to the place she had gone to for years to try to satisfy her thirst. He went to her comforter to get to her heart. He asked her about the men in her life, because He wanted her to understand that nothing she had tried before could make her whole, make her stop thirsting. In this way, Jesus gave her a chance to be real, and through her honesty, the knowledge that she was not righteous, He was able to show her who He was.

Jesus went to the center of her problem. He went to the idol in her life; that thing she thought would save her and never could. She ran to men to try and slake her thirst, but they failed her every time. They just made her thirstier.

How many of us in this room still endeavor at times to refresh our parched soul with people, things, and/or activities? We might even have a relationship with Christ, but still fall back into old patterns or new ones that are just as devastating. Too often, we desire to meet our own needs. Sadly, when we do this, it is like drinking a cup of coffee when we are dehydrated. Our attempt only dries us out more.

I am not immune from this type of spiritual dehydration. Within two years of surrendering my life to Christ, an eating disorder ensnared me. This disorder manifested itself in relationship to the insecurity I was feeling in my marriage. My insecurity was not related to my husband, but to my past. My father left my mother just two years prior to my own marriage. I projected the fear of loss and abandonment onto my own relationship, and felt sure that if I kept my body trim that my husband would not leave me.

The interesting thing about eating disorders is that they might start with a desire for a healthy body, but they quickly move into obsession. Any disorder is more about emotional issues and control than anything else. By controlling my food intake and body image, I believed I could control my husband and my fears of abandonment.

All I really achieved was bondage to those fears. Instead of resting in Christ, I chose to try to manipulate things I thought were under my control to make me feel safe and secure. It was not until I realized I could never make myself truly safe, and allowed Jesus to have control over my life and well being that I finally had the security I was trying to achieve. He was the only one who could satisfy that thirst in my life.

ANYTHING can become our idol. Walking can change from a healthy everyday activity into a compulsive behavior, eating can move from a physical need to a self-comforting tool, Bible study can start out as a time of deep connection with the Lord and move into a guilt ridden activity. God created us for worship. If Christ is not at the center of our worship, then we will worship something or someone else.

The woman at the well chose men, what have you chosen? Is it your husband, your kids, your career? What would Jesus ask you to go and get if you asked Him today to give you living water? What do you need to confess to Him even now, because He is always sitting at the well waiting for you to drink of the water only He can offer?

Sidetrack

Pay attention to how the Samaritan woman dealt with Jesus’ focus on her comforter.
"Sir, the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem." (John 4:19-24)

She was uncomfortable. Things were getting a little too personal. Just as Jesus was getting to the deep issues of this woman’s life, she tried to change the subject. She tried to divert attention from her use of men to something that was not as close to home.

She tried to sidetrack Jesus from the main issue in order to inquire about a “spiritual” matter. Since she had this man, that was no doubt a prophet standing in front of her, she thought she should ask Him something important.

We are no different in our desire to shift the focus from those sins that are comfortable to us to peripheral issues. I do this. It is easier to have a theological discussion than to confess our sins. It is more comfortable to study the Bible than to allow the Holy Spirit to use it to convict our heart. It appears more “godly” to quote passages of Scripture than to deal with the things that have taken control of our lives.

Jesus did not get sidetracked. He came to satisfy her thirst, not have a debate with her. He told her that the Jews worship God and that salvation is for them, but there would be a time when believers would worship God not in a central location but in spirit and truth. God is spirit and He wants to be worshiped in the spirit. Jesus invited the woman at the well to worship Him in this way.

Jesus invites us to worship Him in exactly that same way today. He wants us to stop trying to sidetrack things, and surrender our wills to His. When we do this, we discover a life overflowing with true worship: “Present yourselves as a living sacrifice wholly acceptable to God, which is your reasonable act of service” (Rom. 12:1).

Messiah

Jesus surprised the Samaritan woman. She quickly began to realize that He would satisfy her thirst. When she came to that point, the Lord did something very special for her. He did for her what He did for the woman in the hospital bathroom; He revealed His true nature, His secret identity. When the woman said, “I know that Messiah is coming. When He comes, He will explain everything to us,” Jesus declared, “‘I who speak to you am He’” (John 4:25-26).

Can you imagine what those words did to her heart? Even as I share this with you, my heart is racing. I am the one you have been waiting for, I am the Christ, the chosen One of God.

I am the Messiah

At that moment, the woman received the Living Water. She did not need to debate any longer. Jesus did not have to prove Himself to her. She believed. The evidence for this is found in verse 28: “Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, ‘Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?’”

Drink

Once she grabbed hold of Jesus, she introduced Him to everyone. She did not care if someone was unkind, she was not worried about who might reject her, and she was not concerned about what people would say. The Samaritan woman received the acceptance she had thirsted for all of her life, and she was going to share the water of life with everyone she met. “Many of the Samaritans from the town believed in Him because of the woman’s testimony, ‘He told me everything I ever did’” (39).

After drinking the living water, she was never the same. “Her many sins have been forgiven for she loved much; but he who has been forgiven little loves little,” Jesus said this of another woman, but it applies to the woman at the well. (See Luke 7:48, 50).

If you have ever come across someone freed from the bonds of sin, someone who has been greatly forgiven, you know this woman. You understand what Jesus meant when He said that they loved much.

I had the honor of meeting such a woman several years ago. This woman loved Jesus more than anyone I had ever known. She never stopped talking about Jesus. She never stopped talking about what He did for her.

The story of her salvation freely flowed from her lips. Her sin and her past did not come out as freely. They were things she knew Jesus had already dealt with, and they no longer needed to be remembered, let alone talked about.

When I first met her, she reminded me of a schoolgirl in love for the first time, who wanted everyone to meet the one person the sun and moon circled around. She was never ashamed to say the name of Jesus. She introduced everyone to her best friend.

If anyone rejected Him or His love, she was devastated. She did not hurt for Him, or for herself. She hurt for them, because she knew that their souls were parched and if they just drank the water that liberally surged from Jesus’ heart, they would never be thirsty again. Jesus so saturated her that she could not help pouring out His love on everyone she encountered. Even when rejected, ridiculed or rebuked, she never faltered in her devotion to her Savior. Set free from so much, this woman loved Jesus in ways only she could understand and for reasons only she fully knew.

The woman at the well was just like this woman. She arrived at the point in her life where she realized that Jesus was the only one who saw into her heart, knew all there ever was to know about her, accepted her for who she really was, and still loved her. He loved her the way she longed to be loved.

The Samaritan woman discovered that Jesus was the only one who could satisfy her thirsty soul. He is the only one who can satisfy yours. Jesus is more than enough.

Study Guide

1. Read John 4, and play close attention to the attitude the woman at the well displays toward Jesus, as well as the attitude Jesus shows to the woman. What did you discover?

2. If Jesus had lived by the prejudices of His day, He would never have walked into Sychar. He would never have offered living water to the Samaritan woman. It is easy to look down on the religious Jews of Jesus’ day, but is there a certain group of people that are looked at as less than in your community, in your church? Is there some place you would go around rather than go through because you would have to interact with certain people? Why is this? What attitudes do you need to address, do you need to change?

3. Read John 4. Underline ever reference to water, living water, and water of life. Who is the living water? What does He offer?

4. Have you met Jesus at the well? If you have, write down your “well” encounter. How does your experience compare with that of the woman at the well?

5. Why do we try to sidetrack the issues that are most important to our walk with Jesus? What ways do you divert attention from your own sin? Is there a sin that you need to deal with? Are you being honest about it like the woman, or are you arguing with the Lord trying to pretend it is not an issue that needs to be addressed?

6. Read Matthew 16:13-28. Who is Jesus? What truth did Peter declare, that Jesus then revealed freely to the woman at the well?

7. What reaction did the woman have to Jesus’ proclamation; “I am He”?

8. Study Luke 7:36-50. What did the Pharisee say about Jesus? Why did He doubt Jesus?

9. How did the woman in this passage show her love for Jesus? What saved her?

10. Are you like the women who wept broken tears over Jesus’ feet, or are you like the Pharisee that doubted the Lord and rejected those who were less religious?

11. Why do those who have been forgiven much love much? Do you know anyone like this? What have you been forgiven?

12. Do you love much? If you were forgiven a great deal, but that was years ago, do you still have the same level of love that you had when you first believed? Read Revelation 2:2-7. Have you left your first love?

13. Have you been trying to slake your thirsty soul by drinking spiritual “coffee”, only parching it further, while your soul is screaming for water? What are some of your comforters.

14. The Messiah is waiting at the well even now for you. Will you drink the Living Water He freely offers? Will you share that water with everyone else around you?

Lesson 2

Romantic Adultery

In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Jesus was clearly addressing men in this portion of the Sermon on the Mount. He said that mentally taking a woman in a lustful way is no different than actually sleeping with her.

It is easy for us as women to AMEN the pastor who preaches Jesus’ words from Matthew 5. We shake our heads in agreement; as the men are told that they are sinning when they take that second look at the woman jogging down the street or consciously linger over the woman in a bikini at the pool, looking at her through their sunglasses. Our security, as women and wives, is stolen every time our husband stares at a magazine covered with the cleavage of some actress, while we stand next to him in line at the grocery store. When we hear the words of Jesus spoken to our men by the pastor on a Sunday morning, we feel protected. We are thankful someone is defending us against the sadness that arises in our hearts when we realize that we are not attractive enough to hold the gaze of the man we gave our lives to on the day we said, “I do.”

However, ladies, the message Jesus conveyed is not just for men. Sadly, when we hear it preached we rarely think of ourselves, our own moments of indiscretion, and our own thoughts of infidelity. We listen, all the while sitting next to our husbands in a “holier than thou” position, elbowing them in the ribs, giving them a sidelong glance, making sure they are taking in every word, all the while not hearing the Spirit move in our own hearts because we think we don’t have any issues in this area.

Every act of sin begins with a decision, so if a man takes that second look, he made a decision to take it, and at that moment, he chose to remove his wife from the center of his desire and put that other woman in her place. In like manner, any time a woman romanticizes about a man other than her husband, she is choosing to replace her husband with a figment of her imagination. If she then allows that figment to live at the center of her affection, she will become more and more discontented with her own husband, and will either continue to live in the false romance of her mind or actually decide to seek out her dream man elsewhere.

To women, Jesus could have just as easily been saying, “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery; but I say to you that every woman who willfully causes a man to look upon her with lust has already committed adultery in her heart; whoever talks about how hot the guy in the movie she just watched with her girlfriends has already committed adultery in her heart; whoever dreams she is married to the character in the novel she is reading instead of to her husband has already committed adultery in her heart; whoever flirts with any man who comes along in order to feel good about herself, has already committed adultery in her heart….”

Mental adultery is just as real for woman as it is for their male counter-parts, but it does not always manifest itself in the same way.

Don’t get me wrong, we notice attractive men, and in our modern day world, of visual stimulation and coed living, we women have become predators in our own right. Equality does not simply mean equal pay for equal work anymore. No, it means catcalls, crude comments, hitting on men, and making a big deal about the hot guy who walked by the window at work. Women now watch television or movies and notice the physique of the male lead just as much as his caring demeanor. Once men like Humphrey Bogart, Spencer Tracy, and Jimmy Stewart captured the hearts of female audiences, but now being sincere, strong and caring is not enough. Leading men have to be as “beautiful” as their female costars.

Women also know that their physical appearance draws attention. We like to be looked at, and when that desire to be noticed becomes the focus, well anything goes. This is where we cause men to stumble the most. If we understood how much of a draw we are to them, how God created them to be stimulated through sight, we would make different choices in how we dress and how we act. Instead of just the tank top, we would put a jacket on over it. Instead of a bikini, we would wear a one-piece suit. Instead of the low cut blouse, we would wear a crewneck top.

When we draw the knowing look, the lingering stare, we have achieved our goal of being worshipped, but in so doing, we have caused a man to commit adultery. When looked at in those terms, we might just decide to dress for our husbands and please them, leaving all the other men to be pleased by their own wives.

Add to this heightened sense of sight and physical awareness, a woman’s desire for romance, and the door for adulterous thoughts is thrown wide open. Romance for a woman is not simply candy, flowers and romantic midnight strolls. It is a man who loves her unconditionally, provides for her physically and emotionally, protects her heart as well as her life, and willingly lays down his life for her on a daily basis. The problem is that this romantic hero does not exist, well he does exist, he is just not human, so what tends to happen to most women with this fictional version of their dream man is disappointment. Too often we, as women, allow fictional characters to place an unrealistic version of the real thing into our minds and hearts. So, when our husbands come home from work, throw their clothes on the floor, sprawl out in the recliner, turn on ultimate fighting, and ask us what’s for dinner, our romantic and real worlds collide, and if we aren’t careful, the romantic version will win out and replace the real thing.

One woman I was well acquainted with fell down this romance trap. She stopped seeing the value of her husband and replaced their relationship with one of her own creation. She began fantasizing about one of her friend’s husbands. She saw how this man lavished gifts on his wife and kids, how softly he spoke to his wife, how he romanced her, and provided for her every need. Mentally she began to rearrange marriages. She took the place of her friend, and began to live out her friend’s life in her romantic imaginings. The illusion of this “perfect” husband filled not only her waking thoughts, but also her unconscious dreams.

Within a couple months, this woman began to pursue the man of her dreams, and for his part, had he heeded the words of Jesus, that to look upon a woman lustfully is to commit adultery, he would have saved himself, his family, this woman, her family and their church family a great deal of pain. Instead, he allowed her physical beauty, as well as her desire for him to overwhelm his judgment. They walked into an adulterous relationship, and made plans to abandon their families so that they could be with “the one person, they were meant to be with”.

When I confronted this woman, I pointed out something she had seemed to miss. I said, “If this man is so good, and loving, and utterly perfect as a husband, how can he do what he is doing to his wife? If he can take this most selfish of acts, leaving his wife for you, what makes you think he won’t leave you for someone else?”

It was not his physical appearance that caused her to abandon her children and husband. No, she had so built this man up in her mind that she was willing to destroy everyone’s lives in order to have her fantasy. Once the Lord revealed her sin to her, and she rejected the course she had set for herself, she began to realize that this man was not what she had made him out to be in her own world of perfection. She found that her husband was the greatest romantic in the world. He forgave her infidelity, her claim on another man, and accepted her back as his wife.

The act of adultery begins in the mind, but the spark arises in the heart. It is the location of our romantic sensibilities, and out of it flows the issues of life. Whatever we have been holding onto, meditating on, allowing to enter into our feelings, will flow from our hearts into our minds. Once we have given into our own selfish desires, there is little to stop us moving forward with something we never thought we were capable of doing. No matter how discrete we believe ourselves to be, we are still hurting our spouse, ourselves and the heart of God, when we choose to allow another person to come between us and our mate, no matter how real that other person may or may not be.

Jesus finished up his warning on lustful thoughts by saying, “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

So, if Jack Bauer (24), Jack Shephard (Lost), Tom Wells (Smallville), Hugh Jackman, or Christian Bale is causing you to lust, cut them off. If the gym makes you look at other men, stop going. If you are fantasizing about your kid’s teacher or your friend’s husband, then stop spending time with them. If Facebook connected you with an old boyfriend, whose marriage just fell apart, do not accept his friend request. If the book series you are reading causes you to create a fake man to be in love with, throw it away. It is better to lose some money, experience rejection, miss some entertainment, or gain some weight after quitting the gym than to suffer the consequence for your lustful decision. Our husbands aren’t stupid. They are one with us, so even if we are simply daydreaming about another man, they will know and there will be pain in our marriages.

In the end, mental adultery is not about our husbands, it does affect them, but it is not about them. No, when we are lusting for other men, the real problem is our relationship with Jesus. Romantic or visual lust is sin, and all sin is rebellion against God, so, when we struggle with impure thoughts, we know our heart is not right. We have taken our focus off our Savior and placed in onto ourselves. Self-focus leads to self-gratification, but there is no such thing as self-gratification, we always want more.

Truly, what we are looking for cannot be found nor met by a man. The desire to be loved unconditionally, provided for physically and emotionally, to have our hearts as well as our lives protected and cared for by someone who willingly laid down his life for us can only be found in Jesus. He is the only one who can meet our every need, and satisfy our hearts desire.

Study Guide

Read the following three passages, and compare and contrast the way each woman handled herself as she related to David. Look at her heart attitude, her discretion, her wisdom, her devotion to her husband, and decide based on your observations, where her focus was.

Michal - 2 Samuel: 6



Abigail - 1 Samuel: 25



Bathsheba – 2 Samuel: 11-12



Which woman, if any did you relate to in your study and why?


Have you or are you now struggling with discontent in your marriage, in your personal life, in your attitude toward God and others?


Has that discontent led you into romantic or emotional sin? If so, pray and ask God to bring spiritual healing to your heart, as well as to your life and marriage.



Father, I pray that You would move in each one of our lives, causing us to understand that Jesus is the only one who can satisfy our deepest desires and needs. If there is sin in the area of lust in our lives, forgive and take it from us. Allow us to place our eyes as well as our hopes on Jesus, and give us an undying passion for our husbands. For those of us who are not married, keep our hearts pure and holy and set apart for You. Do not let us justify looking at or fantasizing about men whom You have not given to us. Be the center of our hearts. In Jesus name, Amen.

Lesson 1

Building Relationship

I do not want the gathering of information or facts to be the focus of this course. The overall goal of the next several weeks together will be to share with you how you might build a deeper relationship with God, and through that relationship understand that Jesus is more than enough to meet every need in your life.

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death. Phil 3:8-10

Conversation of Relationship: Prayer

Jesus set the standard for knowing God. His example shows us how to sustain our relationship with the Father.

Read the following passages of Scripture. Write down what you learn and observe from them.

Matt. 26:36-46



Matt. 14:13-23



Luke 5:15-16




Luke 6:12-16



Jesus talked to the Father about everything. After a day of ministry He did not sit around with His disciples and talk about what went right that day, how they could have done this or that better or what the next day held. No, He went to His Father and shared everything with Him. Jesus was able to with stand the cross because He stayed in His Father’s love. The Father and I are One.


Foundation of Relationship: Surrender

Read Psalm 51 written below:

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your
great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and
cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always
before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your
sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost
place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be
whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed
rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me
a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from
your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your
salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach
transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. Save me from
bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your
righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. You
do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in
burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and
contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. In your good pleasure make Zion
prosper; build up the walls of Jerusalem. Then there will be righteous
sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; then bulls will be offered on
your altar.

Who is crying out to God in Psalm 51?


Why is he crying out to God in this Psalm?



What does his prayer reveal about his relationship with God?



How was he able to be so transparent in his prayer?



How do we get to the point that we can totally share our heart with God?




Our heart seeks relationship. That is how we are made…even more so since we are women. We hunger and thirst for someone to know us and love us for who we are. We want to be known as we know. Another person can NEVER fully meet that need. No matter how hard we work at any earthly relationship, it will always leave us wanting.

God did that. He does not want anyone to fill up that emptiness. It is left there for Him, so why do we avoid the deep conversations with Him? Why do we only fall on our knees when we are hurting? If we could talk to our God like we talk to our husband, best friend or even our counselor, we wouldn’t feel so empty. We would not try to fill that emptiness with things that only hurt us, because we would not feel alone.

God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being. Acts 17: 27-28



Revelation of Relationship: The Word

Every relationship is built on two way communication. It is not enough to talk to your friend. You have to listen to them in order for them to feel valued and loved. God is no different. He speaks to us in many different ways: trials, other people, circumstances, His Spirit, but one of the key ways is through His Word.


In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.
Hebrews 1:1-3

Consider the following portions of Scripture, and write out what you believe them to be saying. How important is the Bible to the overall well-being of a Christian?

Psalm 1:1-6; specific emphasis on verse 2





Psalm 119:11





Psalm 119:97-104





Does it sound odd to think of loving the law? The word law for us means something very different than it did for the writer of Psalm 119. For us it is this thing to obey so we don’t get a fine, or have to go to jail. We know it protects us, but I don’t think we would say that we love it. The law being spoken of in Psalm 119 is not the law as we see law, although that type of law was included. The Torah or the Pentateuch is the law being spoken of here. The Five Books of Moses make up the Pentateuch: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.

Based on this understanding of the law, what was the psalmist saying in Psalm 119? What did he love?




Why should we meditate on the Word of God?





Look up the definition of meditation in the dictionary. What is the definition? What kind of meditation do you think is being spoken of in the Psalms?




Psalm 19:14





Psalm 104:34





Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy. What could be more praiseworthy or excellent than the Word of God.

The only way we will ever know the heart of our God is by seeking Him. How blessed we are that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Our Creator gave us the Bible to reveal Himself to all of mankind.

Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of the prophecy, and heed the things which are written in it. Rev. 1:3

These words are specific to the book of Revelation, but I believe that if we read the Bible, meditate on it, and then apply it to our lives we too will be blessed.


Father, relationships are hard to build and to maintain. They take time, which is a commodity that we seem to always be short on. As we seek You, give us the wisdom to know what things are taking time away from our relationship with You. Be it service to the church, work, other friendships, books, or a multitude of so many other good things. Help us to let go of the good for what is the best, so that we might know You more fully. It is in the blessed name of Jesus we pray. Amen.