Romantic Adultery

In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Jesus was clearly addressing men in this portion of the Sermon on the Mount. He said that mentally taking a woman in a lustful way is no different than actually sleeping with her.

It is easy for us as women to AMEN the pastor who preaches Jesus’ words from Matthew 5. We shake our heads in agreement; as the men are told that they are sinning when they take that second look at the woman jogging down the street or consciously linger over the woman in a bikini at the pool, looking at her through their sunglasses. Our security, as women and wives, is stolen every time our husband stares at a magazine covered with the cleavage of some actress, while we stand next to him in line at the grocery store. When we hear the words of Jesus spoken to our men by the pastor on a Sunday morning, we feel protected. We are thankful someone is defending us against the sadness that arises in our hearts when we realize that we are not attractive enough to hold the gaze of the man we gave our lives to on the day we said, “I do.”

However, ladies, the message Jesus conveyed is not just for men. Sadly, when we hear it preached we rarely think of ourselves, our own moments of indiscretion, and our own thoughts of infidelity. We listen, all the while sitting next to our husbands in a “holier than thou” position, elbowing them in the ribs, giving them a sidelong glance, making sure they are taking in every word, all the while not hearing the Spirit move in our own hearts because we think we don’t have any issues in this area.

Every act of sin begins with a decision, so if a man takes that second look, he made a decision to take it, and at that moment, he chose to remove his wife from the center of his desire and put that other woman in her place.

In like manner, any time a woman romanticizes about a man other than her husband, she is choosing to replace her husband with a figment of her imagination. If she then allows that figment to live at the center of her affection, she will become more and more discontented with her own husband, and will either continue to live in the false romance of her mind or actually decide to seek out her dream man elsewhere.

To women, Jesus could have just as easily been saying, “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery; but I say to you that every woman who willfully causes a man to look upon her with lust has already committed adultery in her heart; whoever talks about how hot the guy in the movie she just watched with her girlfriends, has already committed adultery in her heart; whoever dreams she is married to the character in the novel she is reading instead of to her husband has already committed adultery in her heart; whoever flirts with men in order to feel good about herself, has already committed adultery in her heart….”

Mental adultery is just as real for woman as it is for their male counter-parts, but it does not always manifest itself in the same way. Don’t get me wrong, we notice attractive men, and in our modern day world, of visual stimulation and coed living, we women have become predators in our own right. Equality does not simply mean equal pay for equal work anymore. No, it means catcalls, crude comments, hitting on men, and making a big deal about the hot guy who walked by the window at work. Women now watch television or movies and notice the physique of the male lead just as much as his caring demeanor.

Once, men like Humphrey Bogart, Spencer Tracy, and Jimmy Stewart captured the hearts of female audiences, but now being sincere, strong and caring is not enough. Leading men have to be as “beautiful” as their female costars.

Women also know that their physical appearance draws attention. We like to be looked at, and when that desire to be noticed becomes the focus, well anything goes.

This is where we cause men to stumble the most. If we understood how much of a draw we are to them, how God created them to be stimulated through sight, we would make different choices in how we dress and how we act. Instead of just the tank top, we would put a jacket on over it. Instead of a bikini, we would wear a one-piece suit. Instead of the low cut blouse, we would wear a crewneck top.When we draw the knowing look, the lingering stare, we have achieved our goal of being worshipped, but in so doing, we have caused a man to commit adultery. When looked at in those terms, we might just decide to dress for our husbands and please them, leaving all the other men to be pleased by their own wives.Add to this heightened sense of sight and physical awareness, a woman’s desire for romance, and the door for adulterous thoughts is thrown wide open.

Romance for a woman is not simply candy, flowers and romantic midnight strolls. It is a man who loves her unconditionally, provides for her physically and emotionally, protects her heart as well as her life, and willingly lays down his life for her on a daily basis. The problem is that this romantic hero does not exist, well he does exist, he is just not human, so what tends to happen to most women with this fictional version of their dream man is disappointment. Too often we, as women, allow fictional characters to place an unrealistic version of the real thing into our minds and hearts. So, when our husbands come home from work, throw their clothes on the floor, sprawl out in the recliner, turn on ultimate fighting, and ask us what’s for dinner, our romantic and real worlds collide, and if we aren’t careful, the romantic version will win out and replace the real thing.

The act of adultery begins in the mind, but the spark arises in the heart. It is the location of our romantic sensibilities, and out of it flows the issues of life. Whatever we have been holding onto, meditating on, allowing to enter into our feelings, will flow from our hearts into our minds. Once we have given into our own selfish desires, there is little to stop us moving forward with something we never thought we were capable of doing.

No matter how discrete we believe ourselves to be, we are still hurting our spouse, ourselves and the heart of God, when we choose to allow another person to come between us and our mate, no matter how real that other person may or may not be.Jesus finished up his warning on lustful thoughts by saying, “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

So, if Jack Bauer (24), Jack Shephard (Lost), Tom Wells (Smallville), Hugh Jackman, or Christian Bale causes lust to build up in you, cut them off. If the gym makes you look at other men, stop going. If you are fantasizing about your kid’s teacher or your friend’s husband, then stop spending time with them. If Facebook connected you with an old boyfriend, whose marriage just fell apart, do not accept his friend request. If the book series you are reading causes you to create a fake man to be in love with, throw it away. It is better to lose some money, experience rejection, miss some entertainment, or gain some weight after quitting the gym than to suffer the consequence for your lustful decision.

Our husbands aren’t stupid. They are one with us, so even if we are simply daydreaming about another man, they will know and there will be pain in our marriages.In the end, mental adultery is not about our husbands, it does affect them, but it is not about them. No, when we are lusting for other men, the real problem is our relationship with Jesus. Romantic or visual lust is sin, and all sin is rebellion against God, so, when we struggle with impure thoughts, we know our heart is not right. We have taken our focus off our Savior and placed it on ourselves. Self-focus leads to self-gratification, but there is no such thing as self-gratification, we always want more.

Truly, what we are looking for cannot be found nor met by a man. The desire to be loved unconditionally, provided for physically and emotionally, to have our hearts as well as our lives protected and cared for by someone who willingly laid down his life for us can only be found in Jesus.

Good Gift

I laid aside a cute t-shirt and pair of shorts for my little girl. We were planning a wonderful day with friends, to celebrate her birthday, and I knew that she would want to look her best. I didn’t tell her about the outfit because I wanted it to be a surprise. I desired to take care of her without her having to ask. I did this out of love.


I was not able to keep the secret long though. My strong willed, "let’s make everything perfect" little girl asked me if she could wear a dress for our special day. My heart sank. I thought to say yes, but knew I had something new for her, something she would like (at least I hoped she would like), so I decided to say no to the dress.

She did not think this was the best answer, so she flopped on her bed in her most upset way, and started to cry. I was hurt, not wanting to spoil the surprise, but wanting her to understand I had something better for her. I told her to stop crying. In the hope of encouraging her heart, I let her know I had something new for her. Sadly, this did not please her either. She covered her ears, cried a hurt cry rather than her angry rant from earlier and said, “Mom, I don’t want you to tell me.”

I shook my head thinking, what in the world am I going to do with you. I then explained to her that her demand to get her own way ruined her present. She lost the joy of waking up to a new outfit because she couldn’t accept my "no". She quieted, accepting my words and settled down into her bed.

She received her new clothes in the morning, but miss out on the moment of surprise. The one that can only come when what you are experiencing is unexpected.

Her demand is really no different than our own. We work to make everything just "right", only to miss out on the amazing thing that could have won our hearts had we trusted the outcome to our Heavenly Father. His ways are so much better than ours. He has surprises all around us, to bring us joy and excitement, but we end up ruining their beauty because we can’t wait and we throw a fit to make sure we have our expectations met.

Our Father then presents us with His better way, and we are saddened because we wish He would have waited. In hindsight, we would have rather had it in His time. We end up hurting His loving heart, as well as our own selfish one, because we couldn’t believe that anyone could or would take care of our needs better than we ourselves could.

God doesn’t always show us our present right away. He wants to build expectation within us, so that He can surprise us with just the right thing at just the right moment. He desires to take care of us without us even having to ask. He does this because He loves us.

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he
asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know
how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in
heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matt. 7:9-11

The next time you are praying and get a “No” to one of your requests, try to avoid throwing yourself on the bed and pouting. Decide to trust that your Father loves you and has just the right "outfit" picked out for just the right moment. If you don’t wait, you might miss out on the joy that goes along with the gift He laid out just for you.

Esther Principle

Yesterday, was the day before payday at my house. It is always somewhat tense when the last paycheck is gone and you are waiting for the next one. It was also the day I picked up the APS bill (electric bill) from the mailbox. If you live in Arizona, you know that my two-week tension was on overdrive as I opened the electric bill.

I slid my finger along the slit of the envelope, and held my breath as I pulled the bill from its walls. I closed my eyes, whispered a prayer, and as my eyes focused on the black print, I gasped at the three-digit number that was staring me in the face. The kids all heard the gasp and came running toward me. My son ran off after hearing the frightening news to make sure every light and fan was off in the house. Then we all stood there staring at the number, not knowing what number would be on the paycheck we were waiting for.

My husband was at work, so he did not get to share in the “excitement” of the moment. Usually at these times of wonderful stress, I feel the need to share my concerns with my husband, or should I say share my panic-stricken cries. But yesterday I actually listened to the Lord. I waited, and I prayed.

Now the paycheck amount was already determined, it just had to be issued, but I prayed anyway. Then I started the “figuring” game. If this amount comes in, I will be able to tithe, I can pay these bills, set this amount aside for food and gas (a lot larger amount than I had to set aside a few months ago), and that is it. I looked at the figures on my paper and shook my head. I know things come up, things that need to be taken care of, and it was going to be tight with that enormous electric bill suspended over my head.

My husband called and visited with me for a while, and the upset feelings about the APS bill came flooding in, past my throat, over my tongue, and finally through my teeth, but my lips held fast. I didn’t blurt out $418. I knew I needed to tell him sometime, but not then, not until we saw what our check looked like. Then we could come up with a game plan together. When we hung up, I blew the air I had been holding in my lungs out, and went back to my coupons.

The next morning I checked our bank account, and cried. The Lord knew what our APS bill was going to be even before it was written. He knew our need and met it. I thanked Him for providing for me, and as soon as my husband was up, I thanked him for all his hard work. He just said, “It’s not me, it’s God.”

And I said, “Ya, I know. I already thanked Him, and wanted to thank you too.” Then I asked him, “Did you see the APS bill?”

He said, “Yes,” with a sigh but not anxiety or worry. Had I told him the night before he saw his paycheck, he would have been upset at work, thinking of ways to make more money, and he would not buy something he really needed for work. At that moment I saw a tangible reason as to why it is always good to wait and to pray.

That is where the Esther Principle comes in. Queen Esther needed to bring a tense issue to the King. She didn’t want to have to talk to him about it, because it had to do with his closest advisor. She was sure that he would side with this man over her, but finally realized that no matter what she had to do the right thing.

She didn’t run into the Kings chamber, crying, overcome with fear. Instead, she prayed. She took three days to fast, to deny herself, and make her body submit to her will, training herself to make her emotions submit in the same way. Following her time of fasting, Esther (endangering her life) asked the King to a banquet, along with his royal advisor. She served her King, met his needs and did not throw her problems before him.

Esther finally chose the right time to tell the King of her need and of the needs of a large group of his people. She invited him again to eat with her, and as he sat with her, he asked her if she needed anything (he had done the same things the night before and that is when she invited him to dine with her again), and at this point she handed her need to her husband. She told him of the evils his advisor was planning to carry out throughout his kingdom.

Esther no longer had to carry the burden of this wicked plan alone. Her husband was there to care for her in her time of need, but was not overwhelmed by her emotions in the process. Esther took time to gain God’s perspective on her need, and was then able to pass that same perspective to her husband, to her King. The King did not side with his royal advisor. He took up the cause of his wife and saved her life as well as the life of thousands of people.

Just like Esther, we can go to our husbands with issues that are of great concern to our families, or to us. We need to remember that we should first go to our Father. He will grant us the peace we need in those times, so that we can share our need without overwhelming everyone around us. . When we present hard things to others, with God’s perspective, those things won’t dominate our lives or our relationships.

We, like Esther, need to fast and pray so that we train our bodies as well as our emotions to submit to the peace and patience of God. We need to wait and pray, “then the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, our Lord.”
If you want to learn more about Esther and her amazing story, check out the book of Esther. It is a short read, but one that holds a powerful message of obedience as well as God’s provision for His people.

Lordship

Is there this sin that just seems to haunt you? No matter how hard you try you just can’t get away from it, can’t stop doing it, and pray constantly for the Lord to save you from it? You’re not alone. I am right there with you…praying, wrestling, hoping, failing and falling into discouragement, recovering and fighting again.

All of us sin. John said if someone doesn’t admit that they sin that they are a liar and that there is no truth in them. So the fact that you recognize your need to stop doing what you are doing is a good thing.

The other night, my son and I were talking. He was struggling with an issue that he just can’t seem to beat. He was feeling very ashamed, and condemned for something he did. I realized that I needed to help him out of the place of self-loathing he was in and lead him into forgiveness and healing. So, we started off in Romans 8, where Paul says that there is no condemnation in Christ. Meaning, no matter who you are, or what you have done, if you belong to Jesus, you have been set free from the judgment that comes with sin.


Of course, I had to explain to my son what condemnation means. I took him over to Romans 7:18-19. In those verses, Paul revealed his own weakness to the Romans. He told them that he wanted to do what was good, but he couldn’t, and he tried to stop doing what was wrong but he couldn’t seem to do that either. Even the greatest of apostles was human and had to deal with the reality of having a nature that was born to sin.


But the thing that made Paul so amazing was that he KNEW he was totally, absolutely forgiven for every sin he had committed and for everyone he would commit. He knew that he had been set free from the law of sin (that nature that was born to sin) and of death by Jesus. Paul could freely confess his weakness to the Romans, while at the same time telling them that he wasn’t condemned, because he knew that Jesus had defeated the sin in his life and he stood before God forgiven and clean. That is what no condemnation means…whole and clean before God. My son started to physically relax as I shared with him this truth. He was finding acceptance, love and rest in the forgiveness that can only be found in Jesus.


At the same time though, I told him that he still needed to confess his sin. He needed to talk to God and say he was sorry for what he had done. Trying to hide it and feeling ashamed only put up a wall that kept him from feeling safe with God, feeling forgiven. I remembered 1 John 1:9 and told him that as soon as we tell God our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (not meeting His standard of right). So we prayed. And as I prayed out loud for my son to repeat after me, I said something that really hit my heart. I said, “Dear Father, save us from our sin.”


And He said, “I have already done that. I paid for them on the cross, and you were saved when you surrendered your life to Me. When you get tied to a sin, you don’t need to be saved from it. You have chosen to make it the focus of your life, and have replaced my Lordship with its. I am your Savior, I am also Lord of all creation, but when you are sinning over and over again, that proves that I am not Lord in your life.” I stopped praying with my son, and said, “WOW”. I am praying the wrong way. I am asking God to do for me what He has already done, and expecting Him to rescue me from something I have replaced Him with. Jesus never forces himself on us. If we chose to worship something or someone else, He lets us…with a broken heart He waits for us to return to Him. The confession John talks about in 1 John reestablishes Jesus as the head of our lives. When we admit we have a problem, when we admit we are sinning, when we come to Jesus and say we are sorry, we are taking whatever we were worshipping off its pedestal and focusing our attention on Jesus, who was never off of His.


All sin is derived from a self focus, when we love ourselves with all our heart, all our mind, all our soul and all our strength.


If you are struggling with a sin that seems to dominate your life, pray but don’t ask for God to save you from it. Instead surrender your heart, soul, mind and strength to Jesus, and He will set you free because you have allowed Him to be Lord as well as the Savior of your life.

Seeking

I was visiting with a friend of my mom’s today; well actually, she is also a friend of mine. She is recovering from surgery, and is headed home from rehab tomorrow. She is a great lady, who has been going through some really hard physical trials. While recovering from her latest test, she confessed that she wasn’t as “godly” as she wished she would have been will being in the hospital.

As she was sharing with Mom and me, she talked about different nurses coming in to check on her. How there were a few of them who would see her reading a devotion or her Bible and stop and ask her what she was reading. Those who were believers would get a chance to share a moment of fellowship openly with her, praising God or giving Jesus glory. I am sure others, who were not followers, still respected her devotion to her faith.

Our witness is to be real, and sometimes when we are real, we might be a bit testy, or upset, but that actually helps people see that we aren’t playing at our faith or putting on a show. The Jew in the Shakespeare play, “Merchant of Venice” says at one point, “if you cut me, do I not bleed.” Meaning, just because I am a Jew doesn’t mean that I am not human. So too, Christians hurt, they bleed, they laugh, they cry, they live as humans, yes fallen humans, that have the hope of one day living with Jesus without their sinful natures.

My friend might not always be the best patient, nor the kindest wife, nor the most gracious person, but what she always is, is a sincere follower of Christ. I know that even in her most trying times, when she is struggling with her attitude that she is still seeking Jesus. And when that moment of impatience passes , I know that she is openly confessing her attitude to the Lord; asking not only for His forgiveness, but for His strength to be more like Jesus the next time.

It is this seeking, this asking, this confessing that God is looking for. He knows that we are just dust, that we are never in this life going to be perfect, nor superhuman, nor little gods. It is not our trying, nor our working, nor our attempts at perfection that please God, but instead our seeking.

“Without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God.

For we must believe that He exists

and that He rewards those who earnestly SEEK Him.”

(Heb. 11:3)

It isn’t the doing everything just right, that pleases Him, it is the believing in Him, that makes Him happy. And I have to say I am soooooo absolutely thankful for that, because I will never attain perfection in this world, and this causes me to look forward to eternity so much more than if I thought I could work things out here.

When I read faith, the kind of faith that pleases God, includes believing that He REWARDS those who seriously seek Him, so much of His Word, and the Christian life made sense. Often times we look at men like Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and David and wonder how they could be the best of the best. They carry such titles as “friend of God”; “Israel”; “most humble man”; and “a man after God’s own heart,” even though they all committed HUGE sins: lying, murder, manipulation, adultery and the list goes on and on. However, when seen in the light of Hebrews 11:3, their lives of faith, their titles, their place in the Hall of Faith found in Hebrews 11 makes total sense. They were human, they messed up, they fell short of God, but each and every one of them BELIEVED that God was real, that He REWARDS those who earnestly SEEK HIM.

Now some of you will say we are told in Scripture to be “perfect, as I am perfect.” This is true, as those who have surrendered their lives to Christ, we are called to live set apart lives, to be holy. The desire to be holy “set apart for a higher purpose” is there within each of us. That is why when we behave badly we run to the Lord in confession. It is the Holy Spirit of God pressing on our chest every time we break God’s moral law. It is that same Holy Spirit that seals us until the day of Christ and makes us holy. He does the perfecting so we don’t have to.

My friend is one of these seekers, just like my Mom, and countless other women I know, who please God because of their faith. They not only believe, but they live for Jesus. They fulfill Matthew 6:33, which says, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things (needs as well as rewards) shall be added unto you.”

Do not expect human “perfection” from yourself, or from anyone else you know, just live out your life in faith, and trust our God with the perfecting.

Not the Nose, but the Heart

Well, what I have finally realized after 10 years of experience is that our kids are probably harder on us than anyone else. They learn tact, graciousness, self-control, and mercy all from us. We are, in the end, their test subjects.

The other day my son proceeded to tell me that I have a large nose. Now, this is not a new concept to me. I have my grandfather’s Italian genes and apparently the Italian nose is a stronger gene than any other. My Mom and Aunt both inherited it, so when I grew up it was the family joke to say that we had “The Nose”.

I thought that I had let my nose obsession go, what with being married and having three kids, but as I have been thinking about it, I realized it seems to always be just at the back of my mind. A couple of years ago, one of my friends was taking pictures at our women's retreat. I told her not to take any profile shots of me, only shots that were straight at my face. When she asked, “why?” I said, “The Nose”. So, when I say I let the nose issue go, what I mean is that I don’t think about getting a nose job as often as I once did. Well that is until two weeks ago.

About that time, my son leaned over in his bed to kiss me (he sleeps on the top bunk), and said, "Watch so the nose doesn’t poke me. You know your nose it pretty long." He has teased me about this for a while, but for some reason that one really hit the core of my self-esteem. I went to the bathroom, looked at myself from every angle and said, “Yep, he is right, it is pretty big.” Then when I took a shower I realized my breasts have shrunk over the years (they will be non-existent by the time I am 50), but that my nose is forever.

Following the shower, I started trying to talk myself down from the plastic surgery ledge. You know, “Lord thank you for my nose. I know you gave it to me for a reason. I am sure it is there to keep me humble, Lord. I got the short and petite gene from my grandma, I guess it was too much to ask to get her little, lovely nose too.” When my prayer wasn't working for me, I decided to do what any self-respecting woman, who is hoping to be a speaker/writer in the Christian world would do, I went and checked out the noses of other speakers/writers who have “made it”.

Of course, when I aim, I aim high, so I looked up Beth Moore’s picture and checked out her nose. You see she has the nose obsession too. I have heard her make fun of her nose often, so it was a comfort to think I might be in her same boat. I looked at a lot of her pictures though, and I am pretty convinced that she shouldn't be at all concerned about “The Nose”.

After reflecting on my own pride, and checking out the pictures, I started to be less concerned about my nose. Not because Beth has a nose like mine, but because I began to see her heart. She is a beautiful woman, but her true beauty rests in the Spirit of God that shines through her every word. You see, if you have ever listened to Beth teach, you know that she has a broken and contrite spirit which are pleasing to the Lord. I realized that is what I wanted, to please the Lord.

My nose, my eyes, my ears, even my breasts matter little to the spirit within me. I rest in the body my Father has given me, because my purpose is not to be beautiful, but to have a heart that earnestly seeks Him.

So if you struggle with body image, know that the Lord loves you, and "He does not see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

Restoration

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson were two men that God used greatly to help in the creation of the United States. Their friendship was forged in the furnace of revolution and that friendship would last some 50 years.

Adams and Jefferson were in total agreement as to the wording and ideas that filled the Declaration of Independence. They moved from writing that great document, to working side by side in France to ensure solid diplomatic ties. Each then took a prominent role in the administration of President George Washington, but their friendship was tested as they moved in differing directions politically.

They disagreed as to the path the new nation should follow. Adams and Jefferson’s political differences tore their friendship apart. It took 20 years for the two of them to put aside their pride and reach out to one another in reconciliation.

Once they did, their friendship lasted until their deaths twenty years later. In an amazing moment of God's dynamic timing, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on the same day. They died only hours apart on the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1829.

For 20 years, these two great men refused to put their personal feelings aside in order to rebuild a friendship that changed the world. To be honest, the fact that they did restore their relationship is a tribute to their greatness, but they did it in their own time, for their own purpose, and in their own strength, which is why it took them so long.

In the last chapter of the Gospel of John, our Lord showed what humility, forgiveness and true love in friendship really looks like. It took Jesus less than 40 days to restore His relationship with Peter. Jesus never holds a grudge. He is the very definition of restoration.

Pledge
Have you ever pledged to someone that no matter what happened you would love them, lay down everything for them, but when the rubber hit the road you failed to fulfill your promise?
I have done this more times than I can say, with my husband, kids, friends and especially my God. At the emotional height of a promise of loyalty and devotion, it is easy to say, of course, I will always be there for you, but in reality, it is often hard for us to lay aside ourselves for anyone else.

When we have failed at the greatest level we think possible, it is only the person that we have failed who can fully restore us. We can try to move ahead, we can choose not to think about what we did or did not do, but in the end it is always there hanging over our heads. We confess it, think we have put it behind us just to have it pop up when we least expect it.

Peter found himself in this exact position one spring morning. He failed Jesus in ways he never thought possible, and had no way to fix what he had done. He decided to get into his boat, and go fishing. He knew fishing, he was good at it, and it helped him take his mind off his failure. He threw the nets into the sea and waited, with no results.

In the early morning hours, just as he was about to give up, a man yelled out to him from the beach. The man instructed him to throw his net over the right side of the boat. Peter must have thought, why not, we have not caught anything tonight anyway. He followed the instruction the stranger gave him. Peter and the other disciples with him threw their nets on the other side of the boat, and right away, they caught 153 fish.

As soon as the fish filled the nets, John, the disciple Jesus loved, knew it was Jesus standing on the beach. Immediately upon hearing John say, "It is the Lord," Peter was in the water swimming toward Jesus for all he was worth. He wanted to be close to his friend. He missed Him and longed for that deep relationship so much so that he could not wait for the boat to get him back to the shore. He had to jump out of the boat and swim to the beach (see John 21:1-13).

Hurting
How many of you have ever had a close friendship that was hurt because of something you did? How many of you have mourned the loss of intimacy with someone you never intended to hurt, never thought you would be apart from? Is there someone that you miss because of something that happened between you? Is there a relationship in your life that you need to reconcile? If you know what I am talking about, you know how much Peter was hurting.

I have experience exactly what Peter was feeling many times in my life. I am not sure what that says about me other than that I am human. We as humans mess up. We hurt the people we love. One of the most recent examples of the need for reconciliation in my own life came several months ago.

I was speaking for the first time at a women’s retreat. One of my closest friends and ministry partners sat at the back of conference room running my Power Point slides. She and I had been disconnected the whole weekend. We worked together, but there was defiantly something going on between us. The night before I sat sobbing through worship and communion and she was not there to put her arm around me, not there to squeeze my hand, not even there to pray for me. She had always been there.

I knew something was going on between us, but could not put my finger on it. I thought she was moving on, finding others to love and walk with and no longer wanted our same level of friendship. Not until after I spoke to her did I discover she was thinking the same things about me.

The need to restore the relationship became very clear in the middle of my last session. I was speaking about the need to reconcile wounded relationships. I shared with the group a story of woman who had come back into my life after a time of deep division. I explained how that reconciliation had allowed me to understand the pain Peter must have experienced when he denied Jesus. As those words were coming out of my mouth, I looked up and saw her. My friend was fixing my lapel mic, getting batteries for it so I did not have to use the hand held. As she walked quickly out of the room, the Lord said, "When are you going to reconcile this one?"

Try putting yourself into my shoes for a minute. Imagine telling other women about their need to restore relationships with those who have hurt them or with those they have hurt, while the Lord is convicting you of the exact same thing. Not easy to say the least, I felt like a hypocrite. I thought to stop her in the middle of my talk and say, I am sorry and I love you, but it did not seem like the time or the place. I probably should have done it though, because my heart was soft at that point.

Following the session, we all packed up our cars, and headed home. It was a cold car ride back. At one point, I reached out to touch her knee in order to thank her for all the hard work she had put into the retreat and the women who attended, and as I did so, she recoiled from my hand. That was when I really got it. My lack of concern for her devastated her heart. I could see it in her body language, her curt conversation, the pain in her eyes. She was deeply wounded.
The other people in the car were talkative and we pretended well enough, but you know how that is, right. There is this huge elephant in the car with you, but you cannot talk about it. All you really want to do is work through things, but the distance is so great you do not even know where to start.

I dropped her off at her house, gave her a polite hug and said goodbye. Her distance and hurt put a wet blanket on my excitement over successfully speaking at my first women's retreat. I drove home mad, not humbled. When I walked in the house, my husband was waiting for me to tell him all my wonderful news, but all I could do was rant about how my friend had played down what I felt the Lord had done that weekend.

After I had cooled down, I realized that my pride was hurt. I asked the Lord's forgiveness, and sat down to write an email. I have no idea what I said; all I know is that that email started a conversation between us that was long over do.

It has been about six months, but I think we are starting to heal, starting to understand each other, starting to see that we do love each other.

Funny, I think that whole retreat was less about what I shared with all those wonderful women, and was actually about God restoring my friendship. The message of restoration may have hit many hearts, but it was intended for mine most of all.

Peter pledged never to leave Jesus, to go with Him even to death. He failed to keep his promise. He was all talk and no action. Peter had to be broken. He experienced pruning so God could remake him into the image of His Son. Peter suffered failure and separation from his best friend. His time of testing helped him identify with the suffering Jesus endured.

Unconditional
I realized as I studied His life that Jesus lost a great deal even before He went to the cross. His closest friends abandoned Him at the point of His deepest need. He was tried, beaten, spit upon, slapped, made fun of, and finally nailed to a cross, without the comfort of the men He lived with for three years. Jesus’ disciples did not simply abandon Him, they denied Him and they disowned Him. Finally, His Father, whom He had never been apart from, had to turn His back on His own Son. The sin of humanity would separate Them for the first time, because a holy God cannot look upon sin.

Remember, Jesus knew in advance that they would not be there for Him. He understood that they would reject Him and still He comforted them. He spoke words to them to help them get past what they would do to Him. Jesus understood their humanity and He loved them even in their failure.

Peter’s experience clearly reveals the unconditional love only Jesus offers. We can fail and He will not discard us. Jesus is our dearest friend, and He loves us even when we reject, ignore, disappoint and disown Him.

We are to love like that.

Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:34-35)

Restored
John 21:8 relates that Peter arrived on the beach to meet Jesus just a little before the boat with the other disciples reached shore. Jesus prepared breakfast for them all, and after eating, He went for a walk with Peter and John. As they walked along the sand covered beach Jesus asked Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love Me more than these?"

I am sure Peter was hit with all the shame he had endured since the night he turned his back on Jesus. He probably looked down at his feet and said, "Yes, Lord, You know that I love you.”
Instead of rebuking Peter, or berating him, Jesus commissioned him, "Feed My sheep" (John 21:15).

Again, Jesus asks Peter, "Simon son of John, do truly love Me?"

Peter responded in the same way he had the first time, "Yes, Lord you know that I love you."
Jesus then commanded, "Take care of My sheep” (16).

A third time Jesus asks Peter, "Do you love Me?"

Peter must have answered with pain in His voice, because Jesus doubted his love. He said, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love you."

Then Jesus gave him His final commission, “Feed My sheep” (17).

That morning Jesus brought healing to Peter through forgiveness. He entrusted him with His greatest possession. Jesus gave Peter His sheep.

Peter should not have been hurt by Jesus' three questions. When He asked Peter three times if he loved Him, Jesus was not condemning him. He was giving Peter a way to reaffirm his love the same number of times he had denied it. In each moment of affirmation, Jesus rebuilt Peter. With each yes, Jesus placed His trust in Peter. He fully restored Peter in his own eyes as well as in the eyes of the other disciples.

The pruning process Peter endured fit perfectly with the healing Jesus provided on the beach. Through first being broken, Peter was then rebuilt into the image of Christ. In the three questions came forgiveness, healing and restoration.

Once Peter became more like Jesus, he was able to love others as Jesus loved. The complete fulfillment of Peter’s restoration took place when God chose him to share the gospel with the world on the day of Pentecost. In Acts 2, Peter preached his first sermon, not in his own strength and wisdom, but through the power of the Holy Spirit. On that day, Jews from all over the Roman Empire heard him present the gospel in their own languages. The church was born that day. Peter faithfully carried out his mission to feed Jesus’ sheep.

Follow
As Peter and Jesus walked down the beach talking, they were not alone. John, the same one who wrote the gospel we have been studying for the past few weeks, walked with them.
We have not talked a great deal about John, but he was one of the inner circle of three that Jesus shared even more of himself with. In the garden, He took Peter, James (John's brother) and John with Him to pray. We have a detailed description of his last hours on earth because John was right there with Him.

So, as they are all walking together, Jesus tells Peter, "I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." After telling Peter to take care of the sheep for the third time, Jesus then told Him that his life was no longer his own.

In classic Peter fashion, he looked over his shoulder and pointed to John. In the paraphrased version he might have said, “hold up Lord, what about him. Is he going to have to suffer anything, or did you just save that for me?”

Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow Me" (John 21:22).

That is exactly what Peter did. He followed Jesus to the cross. Peter finally kept the pledge he made to Jesus so many years before, “I will lay down my life for you” (John 13:37). He could not fulfill his word the night he gave it, but once he was humbled, rebuilt into the image of Jesus he chose martyrdom over denying Jesus’ name again. Peter chose to be crucified, but refused to be put to death in the same way His Lord died. He was crucified upside down.

First Peter 5:6 says, "Humble yourself, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may life you up in due time." Peter was humbled under the mighty hand of God, and in due time Jesus asked him, “Peter, do you love me?” Peter did not just answer Him with words, but with actions.

Jesus is the only one who can take our total failure, and restore our lives to newness again. Jesus’ forgiveness is free. He is waiting for you, just as He waited for Peter on the beach one morning. He wants to show you the same humility, forgiveness and true love in his friendship that He showed Peter. Jesus came to restore humanity to Himself. He wants to restore you as well.

Is there someone you need to reach out to, someone you need to restore to wholeness? It might take 20 years as it did Jefferson and Adams, it might be in 40 days as it was for Peter, or it might be in an instant. Jesus is the only one who can bring about that kind of restoration, because He is more than enough.

Study Guide

Read John 21:15-17. What do you gain from a closer look at these verses? Why did Jesus ask Peter three times if he loved Him?

If Jesus walked up next to you today, made breakfast for you and asked you, “Do you love me?” What would your response be?


What commission did Jesus place on Peter? Why was this significant?


What has Jesus entrusted to you? Have you been faithful to care for those He has placed into your life?


Is there a relationship that you need to restore? Is there someone you need to forgive you? Is there someone you need to forgive?


What character trait do you need to display in order to reach out to someone who has rejected you?

What steps can you take to move toward that reconciliation?



Pray and ask the Lord to speak to your heart as He spoke to mine that morning when I was teaching. Ask Him to reveal to you anyone in your life that you need to rebuild a relationship with. Humble yourself under His hand so that He can bring about newness in your life.